Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Top 6 Sensational Bigfoot Conspiracies

Bigfoot must be some type of hybrid, right?

The following 6 Bigfoot Conspiracies are from the website mental_floss magazine. Mental_floss promises to be the type of website you can use to impress your friends. They have 11 top conspiracies, we picked our six favorite.

Whether or not you believe in Bigfoot, chances are you live pretty close to somebody who does: Sasquatch sightings have been reported in every state but Hawaii over the course of several centuries. In the process, a number of bizarre theories have been put forth to explain how the mysterious beasts came to be, reproduce, and constantly evade us.

1. A DNA TEST PROVED THAT BIGFOOT IS A PART-HUMAN HYBRID… AND DESERVES U.S. CITIZENSHIP!

Texas veterinarian Melba S. Ketchum claimed last November to have proved via sasquatch DNA sample that the legendary apes are partially human. She even went so far as to insist that the Government recognize them as “an indigenous people and immediately protect their human and Constitutional rights."

2. THE GOVERNMENT SECRETLY REMOVED BURNT SASQUATCH CORPSES FROM MOUNT ST. HELENS AFTER THE 1980 ERUPTION.

Following the disaster, a few witnesses reported seeing federal helicopters carrying off the charred remains of several sasquatches from the area. Prior to the eruption, Mount St. Helens had already been a hot spot for supposed “ape-men” sightings since the 1920s. In fact, so many of these stories were recorded that a nearby gorge was eventually named “Ape Canyon.”

3. BIGFOOT IS REALLY A CAVEMAN.

In 2007, Vancouver Island resident Robert Wilson claimed to have seen “what I thought was a bear. I drove down and saw what I could only describe as a large, hairy man who looked cave man-like… with sort of Neanderthal features. As big as a bear, easily.” Expanding on his claim, a 2011 History Channel documentary proposed that “[the] sasquatch might not be a giant ape at all, but could be a species of prehistoric human.” You can see the segment in question at this video’s 55-minute mark.

4. BIGFOOT IS REALLY AN ALIEN.

Two conspiracies for the price of one! In 1973, Pennsylvanian UFO researcher Stan Gordon noticed an increase in sightings of sasquatches entering and exiting the extraterrestrial vessels. Fascinated by the possibility that the mysterious primates may actually hail from another planet, Gordon quickly set up a “UFO-Bigfoot Hotline” which still runs to this day.

5. BIGFOOT IS REALLY A GIANT GROUND SLOTH.

While most “experts” believe the sasquatch to be some form of shaggy primate, a few have opined that these beasts are actually surviving giant ground sloths. For more on these fascinating prehistoric mammals, do go here.

6. SASQUATCHES OCCASIONALLY SODOMIZE DOMESTIC COWS.

Animal-on-animal bestiality is far from uncommon. Accordingly, more than a few farmers claim to have witnessed male Bigfeet (which is the plural of Bigfoot) getting intimate with some unfortunate bovines. (Where’s Gary Larson when you need him?)

Read the other 5 theories list by Mental Floss here: http://mentalfloss.com/article/48870/11-crazy-bigfoot-conspiracy-theories#ixzz2NJyzqZEV
--brought to you by mental_floss! 

5 comments:

  1. Bigfeet? It's "bigfoots" for sure, unless you have substantial doubt, then it would be "Bigfoots". duh.

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  2. Yes, definitely 'bigfoots' but even that is a bit insulting, so 'sasquatch' is preferable, or (my favorite) 'forest people'.
    In any case, the odd thing is that these issues are not 'conspiracies' at all. Misperceptions or misinterpretations of the phenomenon, maybe, but 'conspiracies' seems utterly inappropriate.
    Using such an egregiously incorrect term bespeaks the ignorance of the 'menatal floss magazine' editors who are, interestingly, trying to cast aspersions on the 'forest people' devotees, like me.
    Evidently, their mental floss has not yet cleared out all of their language-gingivitis ('languavitas?':-)

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  3. Actually Sasqautch is the Canadian name for bigfoot. If your going to call it something other than bigfoot, then find out what the local natives in you area call it. I live in the south and I cringe every time someone here calls it a sasquatch, squatch, sas, etc.

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    Replies
    1. Why? Is this what you do with squirrels, deer, and opossums? Are you so dainty that you feel you must change the name for a black bear when you go from Cherokee lands to Creek territories? On the other hand, if these are NOT REAL, but ONLY LEGENDS, then what you say makes sense, in the same way we use "Jupiter" for the Roman god and "Zeus" for the Greek equivalent -- you are referring not to a biological entity that is independent of human culture, but to a story that exists only as a part of some culture. Well, if that is the case, "Bigfoot" is not really a product of indigenous culture, but rather of the dominant white Anglo culture.

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    2. I guess that means because of where I live I have to call it Thumquos.

      Delete

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