Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sasquatch Birth Journal: Filed under Bizarre


There has been some preliminary buzz about this video for sometime. Now it is available in it's completeness. We wanted to make sure you watch this at your own discretion. Not only is this bizarre, but it is also graphic.

On the Website Sasquatch Birth Journal the following factoids are presented:
Estimated Weight of Pregnant Female: 275lb/125kg/62flbn*
*Flibbon(flbn) has been theorized as a rudimentary unit of weight developed within Sasquatch culture.

Estimated Foot Size: 1.5ft/1.48168Pc

Estimated Weight of Infant: 15.4lb/7kg/3.27flbn

Estimated Area of Sasquatch Vagina in Hectares: .000025hec

Gestation Period: approximately fourteen months

The North American Sasquatch is a megafaunal bipedal hominoid, also known as "Bigfoot", "Nuk-luk" or "Woolybooger". Both female and male alike are considered to be highly promiscuous and generally lack discretion in regard to hygiene. The male Sasquatch unceremoniously abandons the female immediately upon impregnation. This leaves the female to fend for herself during the intense seventy-two hour labor period. The standard birthing posture is upright, scientifically referred to as "Inverted Supine" or "Gravity-Fed Style". Traditionally a tree serves as the midwife; seizing it by its trunk, the female is provided with ample protection, leverage, and stability. Once the female's water breaks(approx. six gallons in volume) she seeks out a secluded deciduous tree, its trunk an average of three feet in diameter, thick enough to support the expecting mother and her firm embrace. Typically the female Sasquatch tends to avoid trees of the coniferous variety when making her choice. There are two theories behind this: One, is that the sap/tar secretions are a nuisance during the already complicated birthing process, and two, is in order to avoid exposure to pine nuts, which are considered toxic to the Sasquatch newborn.



SECOND WARNING! This is graphic, but tasteful.



You learn more about the Zellner bros on the website below.




EXTERNAL LINKS
Zellner Bros official Website
Sasquatch Birth Journal

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