Showing posts with label Fairdale Bigfoot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fairdale Bigfoot. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Ask Fairdale Bigfoot

At there is an advice column titled "Ask Fairdale Bigfoot." We decided to ask one of the most important questions regarding Sasquatch conservatism. We were not disappointed by the answer.

Read below or visit the "Ask Fairdale Bigfoot" Column here.

How could we seriously get Bigfoot on the Endangered Species list? What is the process for known animals? What is the governing body of the process?

Epic Gilgamesh
Portland, OR

A bigfoot lunch club? Count Fairdale Bigfoot in! Lunch is Fairdale Bigfoot's favorite meal. Well, that or lunch's kissing cousin, brunch. Fairdale Bigfoot is happy to see a social club formed around sasquatches and mid-day meals. Fairdale Bigfoot is even more pleased to see that your club is thinking of protecting bigfoots instead of clucking your tongues about fur samples, uprooted radish patches and mutilated cows (wasn't me, honest).

Now, how to get bigfoots on the endangered species list? Well, tighten your monocle and swallow your crumpet, you're in for a difficult ride. Sasquatches are notoriously shy and blurry (we've all starred in a few amateur films we're not proud of), and are unlikely to appear in public. For a scientist to approve our place on the endangered species list would mean appearing in public and subjecting ourselves to scrutiny.

Plus, the list is under the auspices of too fickle a governance. No sooner would bigfoots have protected status than than the blue dogs would pass an act of Congress to strip it away so Dick Cheney could shoot us in the face.

Plus there's the reproduction aspect. While most missing links would love nothing more than a peer-reviewed, scientifically-approved horizontal mambo, Fairdale Bigfoot has no interest in getting freaky in a zoo. It's not the size of the cage that prohibits the shaggy shagging (there's a musky Ford Pinto in Shively that proves Fairdale Bigfoot right on this one), but the onlookers. Men in safari hats with clipboards, children crying, teenagers throwing peanuts. That's not Fairdale Bigfoot's scene.

So, thanks for the help with the protected status, but Fairdale Bigfoot will take his chances with former Vice Presidents for now.

Thankyou Fairdale Bigfoot and everybody here at the Big Foot Lunch Club Salutes you!

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